Contest Entry

Shelley Watters’ blog, Is It Hot in Here Or Is It This Book?, is hosting an amazing contest which is going on right now.

My twitter pitch/logline for REMEMBRANCE is below. A big THANK YOU in advance for all comments and crits. GOOD LUCK to everyone!!!

TITLE: REMEMBRANCE
GENRE: Paranormal

Three witches are reunited by magic and reincarnation, however their future is in the hands of fate, and the sinister man out to kill them.

POST NOTE: I was worried about “the future in the hands of fate…” being kind of cliche as well, after seeing some of the feedback from this morning, I’ve created a new pitch that hopefully gives more.

NEW PITCH:

Reunited by magic and reincarnation three witches must remember the past to save their futures from a sinister man hell-bent on vengeance.

FINAL PITCH:

Reunited by magic and reincarnation, three witches must rediscover the past to save their future from a sinister man hell-bent on vengeance.

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27 thoughts on “Contest Entry

  1. Hi S.A. Thanks for participating! I like this, but the 'future in the hands of fate' seems a bit cliche and vague. Can you give us a little more detail instead of that line? Sounds like a really interesting book! I love reincarnation type stories!Good luck with the contest! Shelley

  2. I agree with the others. To me if their future is already determined by fate, there's not much they can do about it. Is it possible to replace the second bit with more of a conflict and consequence they can impact?I love the idea of reunited by reincarnation. Best of luck to you!

  3. I hate to jump on the bandwagon, but I would agree with taking out the fate part. Can you talk about what they have (skills or allies) to fight the sinister man? (I'd also change "the sinister man" to "a sinister man". Hey, saves two characters! 🙂

  4. How about: "Three witches, reunited by magic and reincarnation, find their future in the hands of a sinister man out to kill them." Then this leaves 20ish characters left to give more info. I like the concept a lot!

  5. If "fate" is a vague concept of destiny, I'd take it out of the pitch and put in a clearer antagonist/controlling force who directs events. However, if Fate is a character in the story (embodied somehow — I really like this idea, honestly), then make that clear. Good stuff!

  6. Thank you to all – this feedback has been extremely helpful. I've updated my pitch, and hopefully the new one gives a bit more of the conflict than the first one did.Thank you and GOOD LUCK to everyone.Steph

  7. LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! New pitch is great. I don't have a full idea of the characters – it is so hard to do in a 140 character pitch – but I have a great sense of the stakes and the revenge plot. Thank you for your helpful comments on my pitch is well. The contest definitely helps hone those skills. Good luck!!!

  8. I definitely like the second one! Two things: first, "hell-bent" is a little cliched, and "bent" will work (I think it's stronger because it loses the cliche, plus it gives you more characters to work with). Second, agree with Karen A. above that "remember the past" is a little passive – maybe "reclaim their past" or "rediscover"? Good work on this one! Good luck!

  9. It's good, but a bit wordy. It might be clearer to say "Three witches must recall their past lives" and then a description of the danger. This sounds like a fun story! I hope someday I can read more.

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